


my lungs still breathe, my mind still fears

by j_whirl44



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Discussions of withdrawal, Gen, discussions of bodyswapping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 05:01:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26690089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_whirl44/pseuds/j_whirl44
Summary: Cel checks up on Sassraa.
Relationships: Sassraa & Celiquillithon "Cel" Sidebottom
Comments: 10
Kudos: 22





	my lungs still breathe, my mind still fears

“You alright Cel?” they hear a voice ask. They jump and turn to see Zolf next to them.

“Oh! Mister Smith yes I’m fine I just,” they pause and look out onto the deck and do another head count in their head, “where is, have you seen Sassraa I think Hamid said something about her being unwell in-in Earhart’s body was it? I-I haven’t seen them…” they ramble.

“Yeah that’s what I was coming to find you about actually. They’re lying down. I gave them my room, uh, they, well, you know Earhart kind of...was going through her own stuff. With her body…” Zolf says. Cel nods a bit, only really half listening, “well Sassraa got those symptoms now. She seems to be fine mentally, I don’t-don’t really know sound kobold minds but, the body is a different story,” he continues.

Cel chews their lip and knits their eyebrows together in a look of concern as they think of what to do. There’s a familiar wave of guilt and anxiety that rushes over them as they think again how this was their fault. All of this. If they only had been better at making that cell they could’ve prevented it they could’ve-

“Cel,” Zolf pulls them out of their spiral and they look at him sheepishly. There’s a look of warning in his eyes but he doesn’t push it, “You should go talk to them. They’d probably like that. Good for you, too,” he says.

Cel nods as they don’t trust their words right now and they head off towards Zolf’s room. They knock on the door and wait. There’s some stumbling from inside followed by tiny grumbles and curses that sound off and they try and not smile at it. The door finally opens and Earhart’s body, Sassraa’s mind, stares up at them. A smile appears on her face and Sassraa quickly moves to the side so Cel can enter.

There’s a silent moment between the two as they take in Sassraa’s appearance. The body is visibly worn down and just looks heavy, like Sassraa doesn’t know how to control it. The proportions are all off, she doesn’t have a tail to balance with. Cel realizes it must be like walking without pinky toes.

Cel motions to the bed and makes their way over. Sassraa follows and struggles a bit to sit down but once they’re able to they relax quickly. Cel smiles, “how are you feeling, little buddy,” they say.

Sassraa grumbles, “I...this hurts. I...feel weird and not in control,” she says as best she can in draconic. The image of such a language coming out of the mouth of Amelia Earhart puts off Cel for a moment.

That’s another layer to the situation, they realize. Sassraa’s inside the recovering body of a captain with a vendetta that’s almost put her and the other kobolds in direct danger multiple times now. The vile, broken attitude of someone that's lost all they know and coped with it badly. Cel doesn’t blame Earhart completely, but they’ve been around plenty of people like her and they’ll be damned if they watch the actions of one person needlessly destroy the lives of others because they’re blinded by one goal, one _ thing _ , that it’s all they can see. Cel shivers instinctively as they push that away from their mind for the time being.

Cel focuses up and looks at Sassraa with a forced grin, “I know, Sassraa. I’m-I’m sorry this has happened to you- to all of you- the captain, well she’s fighting a lot of battles at once and, well, one of them was affecting their body. You just got stuck with that as well and I-I hope you know that I am trying to fix this. M-me and Zolf and maybe Wilde, and well, just everyone. You won’t have to stay in this body long and I’m sorry again I should’ve done more to-to prevent this and I’m sure if you just get more rest-”

They’re interrupted again, this time by a pair of hands slamming down lamely into their lap. They gasp and look over at Sassraa who is pulling a face that could be described as pained, but Cel can tell they’re going for something more friendly. Cel blinks a few times before smiling back at her and taking the hands in their lap into their own.

“You did the best. No one else even tried. We...I...trust you. Even now still,” she says.

Cel doesn’t know what to say. They can’t tell if hearing those words helped or worsened the guilt that’s sat inside them ever since Azu woke up in Meerk’s body. So much trust put on them by people they care about, they’ve been here before and their track record so far has been pretty mixed. They think it’s too soon to tell with this one.

They eventually force another smile and squeeze their hands together and Sassraa attempts to smile back while giving a bright nod. It’s an image that does make Cel genuinely laugh, which they could probably count as a good thing.

It’s quiet again but the storm raging inside Cel’s head is a little calmer. They look around Zolf’s room and take note of the subtle decorations. It’s another thing that makes them smile.

They look back at Sassraa who seems to be fighting staying awake and they give a silent laugh. Cel stands and lays Sassraa down on the bed, tucking them in with care. Sassraa follows their every movement and gives a mixture of a sigh and a grunt which tells Cel that she seems to be comfortable.

After one final check, Cel turns to leave to try and give her some more privacy.

“No. Stay. Stay here. Please?” Sassraa calls out.

Cel turns back towards them with a surprised expression on their face. They look around another moment and see there is a chair in the corner. The look Sassraa gives is all it takes to convince them and they give a small smile and nod.

They make their way to the chair and sit down. They watch as Sassraa settles back down. It doesn’t take her long to fall asleep, there’s loud snores coming and Cel can’t help but wonder if it's because she's not used to having that throat, or if it’s something Earhart already did, but it amuses them nonetheless.  
  
They lean their head back on the wall behind them and close their eyes. There’s so much to do, so much to fix before they can even think about Svalbard again. They owe it to Sassraa, owe it to everyone, to try and fix this. For now, however, they find themselves drifting off to sleep. Lulled unconscious by the sounds of their friend nearby.

**Author's Note:**

> :holds head in hands: Mx. Cel Sidebottom I care you.......
> 
> Sassraa.........
> 
> Thanks for reading :D


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